I Need Lunch.

As I arrived at LAX this morning, I knew that I only had the cash in my pocket to spend while I was traveling... It was going to be all day and I had three lonely dollar bills. 

My plane rose in the air and I sent up a quick prayer... Please God, send someone to buy me lunch in Chicago. I had a three hour layover there and it was going to be a hungry time. 

I used my three dollars to try to buy water, Cherry Pepsi came out. And arriving in Chicago I thought of my prayer, repeated it and took stock of my hunger. Not too terrible now, maybe it would be a day of fasting. One day is not too hard to bear. 

Nope. While I was in the line for a shuttle across the airport conversation struck up between myself and a couple of other people, one of which was going to the same place I was, on the same flight. We chatted about small talk things and navigated toward our gate. 

Then he invited me to the United Flyers Club. Aka, free food, free drinks, comfortable and cozy seating, easy access to plugs for chargers... Everything. 

Salad, couscous, a brownie, and a glass of wine later, I'm sitting here in awe of our God. Listening to the story of a man about to retire in two years, who travels 40 weeks out of the year, and had a guest pass to a VIP club in the airport... God works in wonderful and mysterious ways. 

Supporting a Sister

From Rachel's perspective, she's fine. But as her best friend, I know she's not.

If you'd like to help Rachel with her medical expenses, purchasing a laptop, or transportation needs, click here:

https://www.gofundme.com/rachel-saccident

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support for Rachel!

I Crashed My Scooter

I don't want to be pitied, and I don't want to be fondled. 

I want to be told I am awesome!

The horror is not the focus. Instead the survival should stand out. 

The victory! The protection!

Hey - my life is a story of the unexpected!

I am a Christian. I plan on my life including what is difficult, dangerous, and  pushing the limits of what is possible. I live in faith that my life has purpose beyond the norm. My abilities will be expanded beyond my experience. My opportunities will be miraculous. 

The scooter crash was not expected, but all of the protection I've received while on my scooter, while driving in LA, while crashing into medians... That protection I have come to expect. In faith I expect it. In prayer I expect it. 

In the same way the I pray for, and believe, and am experiencing miraculously speedy healing. It IS happening. I have asked for it, my friends have asked for it, God has been providing it. 

I am not surprised that I have been so well protected or so easily healed - it is in God's nature to deal with his dear friends supernaturally. Join me in celebrating how amazing he is! He has plans for me, and let this be an inspiration, he has done so much for me and has the same love and plans for you. 

Please, when you speak to me, let's praise God and encourage one another! God is doing good work and molding this girl into a badass, faith-filled warrior!

Gifts and Inconvenience

Gifts...
The thoughtfulness of others blows me away. After my bridal shower several months ago, my mother-in-law printed her entire address book on labels and gave them to me along with a batch of stamps and thank you notes. Her gift jump-started my wedding-thank-you writing and though, months later, I am still working on my thank you's, I have learned so much from that simple gift. Oh that someday I may be the kind of woman who thinks of creative ways such as this to minister to someone else. Because it's not necessarily what you give that means the most, but the manner and creativity with which you give.

Inconvenience...
Yesterday, our kitten Phoebe decided she was going to make it impossible for me to write in my journal. "So much for devotions..." I thought as she plopped her furry self on the arm I was using to write with. And then it hit me... I had just been reading of when Nehemiah came to the king and shared his sorrow over the splintered remains of his people and their holy city. Just like Nehemiah had come to the King, she was drawing near, which was exactly what I was trying to do to my King. I have the same kind of access to the throne room as Phoebe did to my lap. She longed for companionship and love, so she just came. Devotions is not a casual walk-in, but a part of an intimate relationship rich and full. God is not inconvenienced by me. Praise Jesus, HIS Son, I am not an interruption to His day but a welcome part of His eternity.

Humbling Mercy

His mercies are new every morning. My dear husband, who has been sick for 3 days, brought me home my favorite flowers and a bottle of grape juice when he found out I got whatever crud he had. But the conversation we had yesterday evening (only several hours after those gifts were given) showed that I had crud in my heart as well. I saw rotten places where I had harbored selfishness and resentment toward him and towards myself. He had shown me so much love... Warming up dinner, loading the dishwasher, bringing me medicine, yet I complained and justified my bad attitude. My ungratefulness was such a stark contrast to what I had been given.

This morning, I awoke to a gentle kiss, whispered encouragement to keep sleeping and not make lunch, and a promise that a surprise and a glass of water was waiting for me when I awoke. The sweet note by the couch and the unexpected goblet of grape juice meant so much more than I ever thought they could as I received mercy beyond what I deserved.

Acts of service, done with no strings attached...this is Christ's love, lived out for us. Thanking Jesus today for the way He humbles us with His mercy.

To be grateful...

News headlines. Messy relationships. Personal failures. Dear friends, it's no wonder we're depressed. We're losing sight of our inheritance, focusing on the crumbling things of earth instead of the "eternal weight of glory." (2 Corinthians 4:17) We are made of finite dust, but we have been made in His image for His infinite purpose. What purpose?

2 Corinthians 7-10

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 
We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus,
that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 

So if our purpose is to show others that it's God's power and not our own that prevents us from being crushed, in despair, forsaken, destroyed....if our purpose is to manifest Jesus in our bodies, then it is essential that our posture reflect REMEMBRANCE of who God is and what he has done.

To be grateful is to be conscious of and thankful for God's daily blessings and faithfulness.

To remember that He is good and that His gifts are good. James 1:17 says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." If we are to look more like Christ, we must be acutely aware when we wake up and when we lie down to sleep that though we are dead in a dying world, we have life abundant in us, dwelling richly and fully, because of Jesus Christ.

So what are you grateful for? Tell us in the comments below. Don't just list items. Dig deeper than that. What heals your soul? What quiets your heart? Why? What need is God meeting in those areas of your life? Is He trying to send you a personal love message through those things? What is He saying to you?

I am A Light

I cried for hours.

That is unusual for me. My tearful outbreaks are usually over in five minutes. They are just a need for release. This was different. 

I was anxious. I was overwhelmed. I was stressed. I was driving. 

Not a good combination, especially if you understand of my driving skills (I'll pass the test... probably). So, since I was also praying, I said to God:

"Ok God. THANK YOU for saving my life in the non-crash that just happened. It's obviously a bad idea for me to drive while anxious... so I put it aside. It's not there. I march forward without anxiety. I march forward without hope."

Those words came out without my permission. I was aghast - I can't say that, I'm not allowed to say that, I know better than that... but I also knew that it was my truth, which is why I started to cry.

When I'm trying to be brave I say the things I don't feel. Because it's important and powerful to be confident. Be confident in those answers that you need but haven't seen yet. Be confident in the promises of God when you don't feel the relationship. But also don't be afraid to verbalize your fears. Don't mask who you are in trying to be the better person. 

There is a balance needed. It is a balance I sadly, often, lack. 

So this was the moment of breakthrough. Where the hopelessness broke through my walls of confidence. Where the shame broke through the fortress of promises. Where the abandonment I felt broke into pieces the support of love I receive from my friends, my family, my God.

With so many broken things, I had to face the fact that I could not EVER put them back together on my own. I was simply unable. So,  I did it. I phoned a friend (you know... to help you with an answer that THEY probably know but YOU can't remember in the moment) and Rebekah ministered to me. 

I was able to stop crying... For about five minutes. AKA long enough to drop off the things for work, before starting to drive again.

So I am still praying, not even sure what to pray. Still crying, not sure how to stop. So I tried again. I texted a friend. I texted several friends (#nolimits). And it was KK's turn to minister to me.

One dose of ministry is not always enough. For me it took two, then an hour later I needed some more, and the next day it had to happen again. Friends - this need for help is not weakness. Every day we are meant to be a part of a supportive and uplifting community. There will be times when you are doing the support and there will be times when you just need to receive. 

Two women, dear friends of mine, who have never met, joined together in lifting me up when I had fallen (this is not the first time they have worked together for good purposes, and I doubt the last). 

It was a new moment of breakthrough. Kat had sent me a text about the heart of God. His love and his desire for me. And I needed to respond. I pulled over into a 5 min parking zone and scrambled for a pen and the journal I had near. After the first sentence was on the paper I threw both aside because I could not get the words on the page fast enough. 

iPhone App : Voice Memos. Where I maintain a running log of new melodies that I sing, poems I haven't written yet and sermons I have clandestinely recorded. Now also this. Inspired by the hear of God, made possible by the ministry of dear friends, captured by human technology, and shared freely by myself. 

Please listen. Please share. Please discuss. It's not perfection, it's a psalm. I was thinking of David's emotional outbreaks, how strange his life was, full of triumphs and travesties, mess-ups and masterpieces, pinnacles and pitfalls (#lovewordplay). God always changes things. He brings the dead to life. I'm sharing my little journey - letting you know where I'm at what God has done with me. 

I Am Light : https://soundcloud.com/raechilli/i-am-light

Who God Is: Good

Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. 

Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Psalm 27:13-14

Who God Is: Patient

Within the past two weeks, several dear friends have called me and shared their struggle to trust God. I told them that remembering who God is (the character of God) and what He has done (the work of God) can help us find peace in uncertainty and turmoil. The Bible is filled with instances of God telling His warriors and disciples who He was and what He had done. When everything was falling apart and things didn't make sense, His identity and actions comforted and encouraged them to cling to His sovereignty and power. God never changes, so remembering that that is the same God we serve can comfort and encourage us to do the same.

It's solid, life-changing truth. I believe God gave it to me to encourage those women, and it felt applicable to my life, too. But sometime between when I said the words and hung up the phone, my heart got distracted and I soon forgot to live out the very words I had spoken over my friends. Have you been there?

Restlessness in my life situation and bitterness towards others (including my husband) crept into my heart. I needed to spend time in God's Word and in prayer, listening to the Spirit. But instead, I listened to another voice, the same voice who lied to Eve. "You don't look very much like Jesus right now because you aren't doing enough for Him. When are you going to start serving the Lord? You aren't all that He is calling you to be. And by ministering to your husband and tending to your household, you are wasting precious time you could be doing something worthwhile for His kingdom." I now recognize those thoughts as the disgusting lies that they were, but it took me 2 weeks of feeling like I was failing before I discovered I was doing exactly what God was calling me to do. And frankly, it took me 2 weeks to realize that I was believing Satan's lies because I hadn't been in the Word. Yes, the very thing I posted about not too long ago had already left me and I had forgotten that closeness with God acts as a shield from the lies of the Evil One. I know us bloggers rarely write about our mistakes twice. We often post about a struggle that God is healing in our lives, and our readers subconsciously believe that every thing we've posted about is somehow better now that we've shared it. But it isn't. We're no different than you. We fail....we always fail...again.

How patient is our God?? How many times will He put up with our shortcomings? Doesn't He get weary of waiting for us to hit a "winning streak" of righteousness? I tend to see God as patient, until about the 9 billionth time I mess up. That's when I sit down with Him again, assuming He's pouting in a way that only God can, confessing to me how hurt He's been and how many times He's needed me and I wasn't there.

That's ridiculous! God doesn't need us to be Himself! He isn't a dejected boyfriend. He doesn't pine away, waiting for you to text Him back, wondering why you haven't returned any of His letters or calls. He knows us. Intimately. Knows why we're late, why we've been putting off time with Him. And that perfect patience is continual and absolutely fixed in His very being. He is constant and suffers long, ever forgiving, with a pure and righteous patience.

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever.

He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.

For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.

He has removed our sins as far from us, as the east is from the west.

The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.

Psalm 103:8-14

A few nights ago, I was wrestling with a restless mind, full of the things I have been struggling with. I tried to sort them out silently while my dear husband lay quietly next to me, ready for sleep. Sensing my mental turmoil and knowing that I'm a verbal processor, he asked what I was thinking. In my stubbornness, it took me forever to admit the lies and nastiness that had crept into my heart. When I finally shared, we were able to resolve a few things together and my mind rested. Why was I so reluctant? And if that is what a sinner saved by grace can do with God's power, how much more can our Perfect Lover do?! Every time you don't come to Him because you don't think He can handle your junk, He longs to reassure you that He is SO good at problem-solving, at peace-giving. That He is so patient with creatures of dust like you and I. My pastor says that stubbornness is a sign of pride. Talk about conviction... Sadly, I've been so focused on myself, my shortcomings and insecurities, that I have taken my eyes off the One who has rescued me from those things. Praise the Lord, He has lifted my eyes to gaze once again on His everlasting patience.

Who God Is: Honest.

It's amazing when God speaks honestly into you life. Even though it forces you to see the terrible things you have been hiding from, or running from: God always speaks mercy and grace into the situation.

Mercy : removing punishment that you deserve. 

Grace : giving blessing that you don't deserve. 

This happened to me just yesterday morning, as I opened my Bible. I have a bookmark at Ezekiel 20, and the highlighted verse lept off the page. 

This is a honest statement. Nothing is held back. Yet the purpose of honesty is relationship. "You will KNOW that I am the Lord". God is promising himself here. He is promising to be vulnerable, to build that bridge between himself and me. 

And then the mercy. Let me show you another translation:

I regularly struggle with guilt and shame. These feeling say that God doesn't want to know me, because of the things I've done or the things I haven't done well enough. Completely untrue.

God always wants to be near, wants to say hello, wants to help us heal, in every moment.

Because he relates to us out of who he is.