Rae's Story

2015 is the year. BIG things happening - 2014 was the year I was deciding to fully jump into God, and 2015 is the year I'm doing it. Or rather, God is helping me fly. Honest to goodness - It's tough. Because God asks really hard things of us. He wants the best for us, but we can't live up to the expectation on our own. November-December I was having a spiritual and emotional breakdown on a weekly basis. Getting to the very essence of what I believed about God. Facing the fact that I didn't truly believe all of the things I had been saying all my life. Things like: "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so..." I knew the bible said that God loves me. The bible said it, but did I actually hold that to be true? Did I feel it? Did I live my life like I believed it? No. I honestly couldn't wrap my brain around God, perfection incarnate, loving a freaking mess-up like me. Someone who has purposefully hurt him, someone who had betrayed and stabbed him in the back, a traitor, a whore, a leper, a hypocrite, a liar, a thief. I remember about a year ago thinking "Is this what love is?" as I was kissing my then boyfriend. At that point, I was planning on marrying him. I was planning on moving to California, he would follow a couple of years later, and we would live happily ever after. Last night, I got a call. The person on the other end of the line was saying "I thought love was when you found the perfect girl, and then the two of you are just... together forever. I was just super naive to think that." I've been asking God about love and he hasn't said much but he HAS stuck around. He's been proving himself to be with me at each step of this weird journey. I'm beginning to think that is what love is. Being with someone, without judgement and standing by them, trying to be helpful when you can. When they let you. Now it's April - My birthday is just a couple of days away and I literally wrote these paragraphs months apart. Here are my goals: 1) Record the journey 2) Share the trials 3) Share the doubts 4) Share the victories 5) Recognize the patterns 6) Remember the miracles That last one is the point of it all. To remember and praise God for the miracles that are happening this year. God's year. 2015 ~Rae