30 Blessings

Wow. I have been truly blessed. • • • I am sitting at home, with a cough that keeps me from doing almost anything, and a nose running to Timbuktu & back... and in this I am truly blessed. • • • A week ago I arrived in Alabama, to bless my friend and stand up in her wedding. The circumstances were unusual, but I was there. I had traveled 56 hours by bus to arrive there, but the journey to that day started so many years ago. • • • May I pause and just recognize God's plan here? For it is grand. It is vast. And it is beautiful. • • • In this story there are two humans, both children of God, and he had made them and he saw them and he said - these children I have made are so good, but I have better for them. I have grown them in loving families, and given them dreams that are big and beautiful, and they have followed in chasing after those dreams as big as I AM. God said, I love and support these children, and I have brought them into a place where they could feel alone. They could get distracted or overwhelmed and feel as though they are not enough. I did this to strengthen our relationship because it is true they cannot achieve the best I have for them alone. I want to show them how much I love them, and how much help someone walking alongside you can be. I want to show them that I understand their needs and will always provide the best for them. And so God started crafting a friendship. This friendship was based on communication and mutual sharing. It was based on support and love given freely, unconditionally. The friendship provided strength when they were weak. Wisdom when they were hurt or confused or fearful. A listening ear when each was brave enough to honestly speak. This friendship build a foundation of time spent in person and then continued when God's direction took the two humans apart. The friendship blessed both the children and the Father, because the friendship was not just  between two, but three. In each meeting and talk God was welcomed, and often encouragement would continue into prayer. The love shared between friends was compared to the first source of love, the Being who is love. Support and strength was drawn from the Creator and Bringer of Hope. Wisdom was gleaned from the Shepherd and Guide. • • • Rebekah and I have been blessed with an amazing friendship, crafted by God. I recognize this through the many many times we have helped one another, and He has used each to say or do the thing the other absolutely needed in a specific moment. I recognize that God has also blessed this friendship beyond difficulties like distance, or time apart. • • • I also recognize that God has not only been building a friendship, but making a promise. To both of us. A promise of support. A promise of a kind ear. A promise of needs met in supernatural ways. A promise of things bigger and better than we can do on our own. • • • I want to recognize one more thing. My friendship with Rebekah is not a singularity, or the only way God has shown himself. I want to recognize how God has crafted my communities all around. I was only able to be at Rebekah's wedding because of those people, those friendships, those blessings. How amazingly intricate is our God! How amazing that YOU are a part of my story, that my story is your story because God has intentionally tied us together as well! In recognizing the awesome work God has done in this one friendship, we also recognize the potential he has waiting in all of the other friendships he is and has crafted. 

Epilogue of Day 25

WOW. It's been a whirlwind. • • • Yesterday I bought a ticket to go to Birmingham AL, for dear Rebekah's wedding this weekend. If you didn't know, that is the end of the countdown. • • • Answered Prayer for Day 30 : To share with my sister the day she steps into sync with another human being. • • • The honest prayer for every other day : for God to provide a way for me to get there, despite my financial dis-ability to make it to this special event. • • • Rebekah - I don't know if you recognized that you were the inspiration for 30 Days of Answered Prayer. Our relationship has been so special, so God-blessed. I felt like God promised he would get me there, even though I didn't know how. I was hoping this would help me keep up the faith, to remain in confident expectation through all 30 days with this section of the journal - that did and didn't happen. Humans are more complicated than that. Instead I learned so much about the practicality of God. He's very efficient. He always comes through in the time needed but a different way than expected. • • • His timing is relationship-building, not care-free. • • • He is wise in using both practicality and creativity. • • • I will have to share the story soon, but for now - I need to Board a Bus!

Day 25

Psalm 51:10 • • • create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence... Restore to me the joy of your salvation. 

Day 23x 2 - Answered Prayer

Reading Daniel 9 today • • • The first part is a long prayer with three kinds of confession : confession of sin, confession of God's character, and confession of needing undeserved help. • • • The second part is when God's messenger comes and delivers the response : a response of love and a response of giving understanding and insight. • • • Daniel is told that even though it had been an entire day, the message had been sent out as soon as he had started praying. • • • You are much loved! - I hear you! - You are much loved! - I will interact & respond to you! - You are much loved! - I will make sure my message gets to you! • • • Daniel was only just then recognizing the sin and the consequences of sin. Even in that moment God wanted to respond in love. 

Day 23 - Manifestation of Ministry

#BigWordBigScore • • • • So yeah. Half the time I don't even realize I'm saying or doing something that's important. • • • I think it's best that way. When you don't know it's important, you can't be nervous about it. You can't overthink it. You don't limit yourself. • • • God uses us as mouthpieces. Sometimes he says : "You know me well enough to talk about who I am. Go!" Sometimes we say : "If you have something to say, I am willing, I will say it. " Sometimes he just uses us without our knowledge. • • • God is limitless. In our efforts to be God-powered and God-inspired, we must watch out for when we put limits on him and his interaction with us... Or his movement through us. • • • Praying specifically for God to have full freedom for ministering to me and ministering through me. 

End of day 20 - answer is learning

Dgroup last night was about faith, which has been a kinda scary topic. • • • the plaguing question : what if I don't have faith? What if it just isn't in me... What if I've fallen and can't get up? • • • (heavy topics need some humor!) • • • The aspect of faith that hit me most last night was - my faith is sure, or positive, when I know God and the characteristics of God. If I know the tendencies and attitudes of God, then I know how approachable he is. I know how forgiving he is. I know how humble he is. He won't judge me for being sinful. He won't cause harm to me if I come to him broken or sad or without hope. He doesn't get offended when I ask for help. He wants to help me way more than I want to ask for help. • • • I've been asking God to teach me about him today. How he can be my friend. 

End of Day 18 -

So I gave myself tasks today 1) to pray for someone else and 2) to get around other people. • • • I've recognized before that when I am alone I tend to be more self centered. Definitely need people. 

Day 18 - Nothing but Christ

Whew!!!! So much happening. I'm in the post-production exhaustion mode. Trying to make sure I eat enough to regain energy. #prayforthat • • • Kinda at an emotional low. Definitely drained. I got up the gumption to pray and was like: "God, you see me. My hair is a mess. My apartment is a mess. I'm a mess. Just a lot of mess going on" • • • • • Pretty much how I'm feeling. I know feelings aren't the end-all-be-all truth, but it is where I'm at. • • • I listened to a sermon by Phil Pringle today about Christ being the end-all-be-all meaning of life. He mentioned that the scripture "in the beginning was the word, and the word was with God and the word was God and nothing was created apart from the word." <<< ok that was from memory so it's not exact. But Phil Pringle said that a more literal translation of the language at that time was not "the word", but instead meaning. So... In the beginning was meaning and meaning was with God and meaning was God. All things were made through meaning and without meaning nothing was made. In meaning was life and the life was the light of men. • • • Basically Jesus is the meaning of life. • • • Referencing the sermon: sometimes I don't want to accept this fully, because it really is an insult to my intelligence. My self sufficiency. My own opinion of life and morals and people. None of that matters because Jesus is the meaning. Jesus provides the meaning Jesus is the only thing that makes me matter. • • • Paul recognized and embraced this concept when he said " for I decided to know nothing among you except Christ and him crucified." • • • I'm feeling lost. Low. But if I know nothing but Christ my the truth is that I am sanctified, cleansed, lifted up, loved, cared for and protected. My prayer today : "Nothing but Christ" 

Day 16 - Miracles

Yesterday, the half-way mark for 30 days of Answered Prayer, I cried out to God, asking for some miracles. Requiring and pleading for support. Begging and demanding a bolster to my faith. I specifically asked for three things with my  gig to happen. They did. Today, as I prayed over areas of issue the issues resolved or disappeared. I thanked God for his response to me, but also thanked him for the original trouble. The phrase "I trust you" was directed toward God. I have been supported and my faith strengthened. Miracles. 

Day 15 - Answer is Hope

A study of Hebrews 6 • • • • • :4 for it is impossible [to restore and bring again to repentance] those who have been once and for all enlightened, who have consciously tasted the gift and have become sharers of the Holy Spirit, and have felt how good the Word of God is... • • • :11 but we do [strongly and earnestly] desire for each of you to show the same diligence and sincerity [all the way through] in realizing and enjoying the full assurance and development of your hope to the end... Behaving as do those as through faith (by their leaning of the entire personality on God in Christ in absolute trust and confidence in his power, wisdom and goodness) and by practice of patient waiting are [now] inheriting the promises. • • • :17 accordingly God also, in his desire to show more convincingly and beyond doubt to those who were to inherit the promise the unchangeableness of his plan, intervened (mediated) with an oath. • • • :18 this was so that...we who have fled [to him] for refuge might have mighty indwelling of strength and strong encouragement to grasp and hold fast the hope appointed for us and set before [us]. • • • :19 [now] we have this [hope] as a sure and steadfast anchor for the soul [it cannot slip and cannot break down under whoever steps out upon it - a hope] that reaches farther and enters into [the very certainty of the Presence] • • • • • of God. • • • • • I am tired of living without this hope. I am tired of leaning on my own personality for hope. • • • Lord God, continue to realize and developed  my faith, my hope. 

Day 14 - Mature Imitator

But we do [strongly and earnestly] desire for each of you to show the same diligence and sincerity [all the way through] in realizing and enjoying the full assurance and development of [your] hope until the end, in order that you may not become [spiritual] sluggards, but imitators... • • • Hebrews 6:11-12a • • • Not a sluggard, but an imitator. 

Day 13 - What am I going to do???

Here's the issue. Sin is a great boredom buster. Also a great time waster. Aka : The Procrastinator's dream. • • • Prayer : Motivation. 

Day 12 - Fight or Flight

My response is always flight. Hide. Or don't respond. Wait to react until you know what to do. If you DO something it might make it worse than it is. More awkward than it is. More embarrassing. You might say something you realize later you don't mean, and then have to contradict yourself. It could be a mistake. • • • • • I hide from and try to ignore the fact that I'm sinning. • • • The warning sign was on Thursday, when I was meditating on life / praying and the thought of this sin came up. Not to engage in it immediately but the thought and the shame that comes along with identifying sin. My response? "I could wait until this afternoon" ...for what? Wait to turn away and abandon the sin? • • • I didn't even have plans to do the sin between the thought and the planned repentance time. I was just going to wait before I cleansed myself. • • • I let my mind immediately turn to other things and completely forget this transaction... And shamefully avoided thinking about it for the next several days. • • • That was inaction. In that case inaction hurt me so much more than action because I made a deal with the God : I will let you forgive me... On my terms. I said no to the Holy Spirit offering to take care of an issue. That dysfunctional sin was my pet, my comfort. Who wants to lose a pet? Much less give it away. Much less violently remove it from your life. • • • The sermon this week was about the view from Siani v. The view from Zion. Siani's view is of our past and our inability to meet God's standard for relationship but Zion's view is one of God's capability to overcome & the possibility of the future. • • • Am I stopped by sin or empowered by God?• • • • • As a friend of mine has confidently said : I used to struggle with this, but I choose Jesus. 

Day 8 : Engaging in Faith = Rest

Engage : like practicing a fencing match. Engage : like putting a car into gear. Engage : like people promising their lives to each other. • • • Yesterday I was encouraged to study one of the great acts of faith in the bible - Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were threatened by their culture but did not sin. When their lives were going to be cut short as a result of their purity they were honest about their commitment to God and steadfast in their actions. • • • Their faith shows not just in their actions and not just in their words. The merging of the two was such a powerful testimony they were thrown in a furnace to be burnt alive. But through everything they had peace, because they could trust, they rested, in the capability and wisdom of God. • • • God chose the most dramatic moment to prove his capability. • • • Hebrews 4 talks abut the rest that comes when we have faith in God. And warns that if we are trying to walk in his promises but are not resting, faith is missing from the equation. Honestly, in my case rest means mental/spiritual peace. (Aka: unrest means mental & spiritual chaos) I recognize the past couple of days have been full of more chaos than peace. • • • I want to engage with God through prayer. I am both confirming my belief and putting it into action. Now I rest and rejoice in my God who is able. 

Day 7 -

I didn't know what to pray for this morning. I didn't know how to pray. • • • What I did know was to listen & be willing to hear. I find it interesting that on the seventh day of this expectant prayer journey God allowed a day where I had nothing to give, even in prayer, and in my silence he ministered to my needs. • • • It is April 30th and I finally have rent for tomorrow. It is a day when I was tired and discouraged, and my father blessed me with his relationship. And not just my Heavenly Father, but my Earthly Father as well. What a great day to just share and hear from my Dad. • • • God speaks when we are quiet. It takes a humbleness, a lowering of our pride sometimes to actually listen to him. But he always speaks. 

Day 6 : Praying with Expectation

Today I'm praying forward - for transportation. • • • Numbers 9:22-23 Whether it was two days or a month or a year that the cloud lingered over the tabernacle, staying above it, the sons of Israel remained camped and did not set out; but when it was lifted, they did set out. At the command of the Lord they camped, and at the command of the Lord they set out; they kept the Lord’s charge, according to the command of the Lord through Moses. • • • I too will wait on the Lord, with the confidence that he is guide me to where I need to go. • • • The destination: ALABAMA! May 23! Let me know if you need a car driven across the country or something. :)

Day 5 : Answer 5

Last night I was thinking about what I wanted for today... And the idea of God multiplying my work was my biggest thought. Giving me the power to accomplish more than normally possible. • • •  But honestly, God has been teaching me SO MUCH with the slow and steady route... I think I would rather ask what David asks at the end of Psalms 90 : (AMP) Let Your work (the signs of your power) be revealed to Your servants, and Your (glorious) majesty to their children. And let the beauty and delightfulness and favor of the Lord be upon us; confirm and establish the work of our hands-yes the work of our hands, confirm and establish it.  • • • Today my prayer is to be fully convinced of God's power, God's favor, and God's calling. 

Day 4

Anxiety-free. Last night at church my pastor was reading in Hebrews 11:19 "he considered that God was able..."• • • Pastor Jake challenged us, because that was Abraham when God was asking him to sacrifice his promise. Abraham considered God able to be bigger than the circumstances. • • • That kind of honest faith is my prayer for today. 

Day 3 of Answered Prayer

The actual hope here is to post the day before what will be answered the next day • • • Problem being I'm not preparing enough before the next day to plan WHAT to pray. Anywho - that's today's prayer! Preparation. There are a lot of things that are in need of preparation in my life, worship today, the week ahead, everything that's starting and is new. The answer I already know is staying the the Presence of Jesus. I'm going to let his power be the driving force. 

Day 2 of 30!!!

Answer #2 - a day of extraordinary rest. •  • • How about a bit of explanation for yesterday's prayer? I did not sleep between 5am Thursday morning and 5 pm Friday evening. I had a book due (all of the paperwork for a production. Everything from budgets to receipts to legal releases. ) for a large production company. So having done what I needed to do, I was hoping that my efforts would not be in vain. Today my prayer is more for recovery from that and the rest of that stressful job, and in preparation for another full season. *Hugs*